• Gugulikayise Vilakazi

Unequally yoked

It is officially the month of LOVE and obviously most of the blogs will be love themed. Surprisingly though, the silence around Valentine’s Day is quite loud, it is as though it does not have any pagan origins like Christmas and Easter. However, this is not the focus of this blog even though I was expecting a debate on that. As always a lot of people have different feelings this month, especially the singles who most likely wish they had people to celebrate love with. However, it is way worse being in an unequally yoked relationship than being single – not that being single is bad.

I continued being in an unequally yoked relationship for 5 months after I got saved. My relationship was nearing a 2 year mark when I got saved. Consequently, this resulted in me realizing that we are unequally yoked and it got clearer each day even though it took time for the relationship to end. I started with setting new boundaries such as no more sex outside of marriage in order to pursue sexual purity, I really was not willing to compromise on that. Therefore, my experience from unequally yoked relationships is that it is always the believer who ultimately has to compromise their beliefs and values in order to keep the other person interested. Often times we do not even realize it but we are compromising. This is obviously from my experience even before I got saved but still identified as a Christian with my two to three values and convictions.

My spirit was unsettled with the thought of staying in such a relationship even though a part of me loved him. However, it was draining and got worse with every new day. I understood that I had to ultimately submit to him had we gotten married and the thought of submitting to someone who is in no way led by the Holy Spirit was just not an option. The responsibility of leading the family spiritually was going to be on my shoulders and that is not my God-given role as a wife. Unfortunately, a lot of ladies settle for that and I see it not being worth it at all.

There are undoubtedly stories of people we know either directly or indirectly, who were in unequally yoked relationships and even went as far as being married to those people and by the grace of God their partners got saved. This is indeed beautiful, even though we disobey God, He often comes to rescue us and set us right with Him even though we do not deserve it. However, this is in no way an excuse for us to disobey and intentionally get into unequally yoked relationships that are not built and centred around God. I hold a personal view that we tend to not care about the type of relationships we get into when we, ourselves are not serious about our relationship with God. The Bible is very clear about being unequally yoked.

A very unpopular truth is that even two individuals claiming to be believers may be unequally yoked for each other. Claiming to be a believer and attending church is simply not enough to prove your love and dedication to serving God. Examine their relationship with God, are you seeing any fruit in their lives? Do they value and pursue sexual purity? Are they inspiring you to grow closer to God? It is important to have discernment when pursuing a godly relationship. Lastly, having a wise counsel of godly people around who will advise you accordingly will come in handy, most preferably married and in your local church.

To conclude, if you happen to be in an unequally yoked relationship and are unfazed about it, kindly focus on your relationship with God. God does not suggest we be equally yoked but He commands us. I would advise you to leave the relationship. It will definitely not be easy to move on from it and you may even feel like they are the ‘one’, however, even if it is so, leave because God will work on them and conform into the image of Christ so that they can also be equally yoked, then, only then, may you guys pursue a relationship that is pleasing to God from both sides. I honestly cannot assure you that God has the godliest person for you out there, yet. You will probably remain single for quite some time, this might even be to develop you and teach you self-control because we are also flawed. Ultimately, let us not idolize relationships, Jesus is alone is enough and let us pursue Him and be content in Him alone.

Yours in Christ



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